Brendan & May
by Chaos-Paladin
Summary: Brendan is a 10 year old who wants a normal childhood. Life was strange enough with his crazy grandfather, but it only got worse when May moves in. How will Brendan survive this nightmarish life with a 10 year old girl? Inspired by Hare Guu. BrendanxMay
1. Brendan's hell begins

Disclaimer: I do not own Pokemon. It doesn't get clearer than that.

* * *

It was a quiet day in Little Root Town, home of the famous Professor Birch. The professor was inside his study, which was built more like a lavish library room with carpeted floor and a wall of books, speaking through the vid phone located on the wall. "...And that's the story, Oak." He said, speaking to Pallet Town's world famous professor through the vid phone.

There was a moment of silence as Samuel Oak stared awkwardly at the Little Root Town professor. "...What story? All you did was call me and say 'And that's the story'."

"Oh right! I completely forgot to tell you the story! My apologies." Professor Birch gave an embarrassed grin, slightly ashamed at his 'little' miscalculation.

Oak knew Birch was off to a certain degree, but this was a new one for him. How he felt about the eccentric professor was done through two actions: face palming and groaning. "I'd love to hear more, but I'm pretty busy, so-"

"You see, my grandson, Brendan Birch, is a growing boy. I think it's about time I start introducing him to some girls. I was hoping if you had any recommendations or ideas on how I should proceed."

Professor Oak sighed. "Birch, don't you think that's something YOU should do rather than ask me? I'm not exactly in your local area, nor an expert on kids."

"Hmm, local area you say? That's not a bad idea!"

Oak sweat-dropped, wondering how many screws were loose in Birch's head. "Wait, you mean to tell me you didn't already-"

"No time, Oak! I've got girls to find for my grandson! Thanks for the help!" Birch hung up the phone before Oak could get a word out.

"Grandpa...!" A young, male voice growled.

Birch jumped in surprise, slowly turning around to see a young boy standing behind him with his arms crossed and, wearing a furious expression. The fierce look from his grandson made the man feel apprehensive, forcing a nervous smile to try and diffuse the boy's anger. "Er...h-hey Brendan! How's my favorite grandso-"

"Are you trying to get me hooked up with a girl AGAIN?" The ruby eyed, sweatsuit wearing lad glared harder at his famous grandfather, thoroughly upset. "I've told you millions of times that i'm not interested in girls!"

"Now, now, that's not true at all. You're growing into the age where you may question some emotions you're feeling, or maybe even dared to experiment bodily functions with other girls."

"I'M ONLY 10!" Brendan shouted.

"...Kids tend to grow very fast, you know."

"There's no way a kid grows THAT fast!"

"That's nonsense, my boy. You're a big boy now, and should act accordingly. Someone your age should not be afraid of girls, but embrace these beautiful creatures. Whether it be on a romantic date or the bedroom, you should start involving them in your life."

Brendan's face glowed bright red, both from anger and sheer embarrassment. "That's it, I am NOT talking about this any further!" Fuming, Brendan stormed out of the study and rushing for the front door down the hallway.

The professor ran to the hallway, yelling after the boy. "Brendan! Come by later so we can talk about using proper protection!"

"SHUT UP!"

The Little Root Town professor smiled proudly as he watched his embarrassed grandson disappear from sight. "Ah, to be young again. That reminds me...I should put a camera in his room to record the moment he becomes a man..."

Outside, Brendan was sprinting as hard as he could, going past the town gate. The man aggravated him so much, he just had to escape his presence. He didn't even bother to see where he was running, as long as he got away. His eyes were shut, attempting to hold back the angry tears that rushed to his eyes. _'That guy is a nut case! Why can't I have a normal life like everyone else!?' _All Brendan wanted was normal parents, normal neighbors, and a normal childhood. Instead, he got an insane grandfather, weird and creepy neighbors, and a horrible, mental-scarring childhood. He could never forgive his grandfather for giving him a blowup sex doll for his 9th birthday.

What made it worse was how accepting all his friends were about it.

_'To make matters worse, we even have a newcomer moving in here. I'll bet it's another psycho coming to ruin my life.'_ Unfortunately for him, by the time he reopened his eyes, he spotted a brown haired girl in front of him who was walking in his direction. Running too fast, Brendan was unable to stop in time.

_SLAM!_

Brendan crashed into something unexpectedly hard and rough, causing extensive agony for him. Falling back from the shock, he slowly opened his eyes to see the same girl he was about to run into peering over him curiously. That, and he also took notice that what he ran into wasn't the girl, but a tree. He rubbed his forehead, which was in great pain. "Ugh, that hurt!"

The girl raised an eyebrow at the lad, having barely dodged the boy's dash. "Maybe its because I'm new to town, but I don't think running with your eyes closed is a good idea."

As Brendan thought about it, it was a valid point. What idiot ran with his eyes close? ...Besides himself. "Yeah, you have a point."

The girl grabbed his arm and helped Brendan to his feet. "By the way, is this Little Root Town?"

Brendan released a heavy sigh, rubbing his sore face. "Yeah, this is Little Root Town. Wait..." It was only now Brendan took notice of the girl. When he looked up, his breath got caught in his throat. He thought the girl would only bring fear in his heart, but instead found admiration.

The girl he beheld was absolutely adorable.

The way her brown hair hung uniquely and her blue eyes shone brilliantly made him swallow hard, not used to seeing cute girls. He felt his heart race quickly and breathing turn shallow. Her cute smile made him blush furiously, momentarily blowing him away. "Gah...uh...h-hi..."

The girl giggled cutely at Brendan's expression, which caused him to turn even redder. "Hi yourself. Do you live here?" She extended her hand to greet him.

_'This girl is way too cute. I usually don't like girls, but I can probably make an exception with her.'_ Brendan thought happily. Finally, a nice normal person for once. "Uh...y-yeah, I live here. W-would you happen to be the person who's moving here?" The girl nodded, which made Brendan's heart soar. This was a great feeling to have. Someone who was sweet and cute move into his neighborhood. It was a dream come true. Seeing her hand was still extended, he grabbed it and shook it firmly. "That's wonderful! I'm glad to hear it!" Brendan laughed with great joy and happiness in his heart. "By the way, my name is Brendan Birch. Welcome to the neighborhood!

The girl smiled with the same enthusiasm. "I'm May and I'm going to kill you in your sleep tonight." She said cheerfully.

At that moment, Brendan's mind went to a complete halt, his freshly created happy world crushed in its prime.

A chill swept through Brendan's body like a wave, shaking him to his core. On the outside he seemed mildly nervous, but he was terrified emotionally. He really, _really_ wished he merely misheard her, but there was no denying the threat he heard. Still keeping the smile, but trembling, Brendan slowly released May's hand and laughed nervously. "Is that right? Hahahaha......WAAAAAAH!" Brendan ran from the girl as fast as possible, rushing back to his home. Fear was his primary adrenaline, breaking speed limits he did not believe was possible to break.

Once he arrived, Brendan was quick to bolt down the door with several locks, making sure May had no chance of breaking through. That was possibly the scariest moment Brendan's ever had in his life, still shaking from the shock. His breathing was heavy and eyes wide, sweat running down his face and neck. However, there was no time to waste. He had to warn his grandfather about the girl before it was too late. "Grandpa! Grandpa! There's big trouble going on!" Rushing through the lab, Brendan found the professor in the kitchen drinking tea.

Who he was drinking tea with sent a chill through his body cold enough to freeze him where he stood.

"Brendan, welcome back! I'd like to introduce our town's newest member and your roommate, May Maple! I hope you two become the best of friends!" Birch smiled grandly.

May grinned widely, which made Brendan turn blue with fright. "Yes, Brendan. Let us be _very_ good friends!"

That moment would mark the beginning of a hell like none other for poor little Brendan.


	2. The grand tour of doom

"...So that's why May is going to stay here with us." Birch said to Brendan, ecstatic with the new living arrangements.

Brendan pinched the bridge of his nose, already getting a headache. "Grandpa...you didn't explain anything yet. You should really pay attention to your conversations more."

Birch scratched the back of his head bashfully. "Oh yeah, good point."

_'Wait, so he hasn't been paying attention to previous conversations?' _Brendan wasn't surprised, but rather worried about the level of sanity of his grandfather. "You can't let her live here, grandpa! She's dangerous!"

"That's nonsense. How can you look at this face and call her dangerous?" The professor gestured May, who was smiling rather cutely.

"How can you look at that hammer and NOT call her dangerous?" As Brendan pointed out, May was holding onto a wooden mallet that was rather large and heavy, almost bigger than her. He wondered how she was able to carry that around without drawing attention.

"Relax, this hammer is used for special and comedic situations only." May explained, making practice swings with her hammer.

Brendan was both baffled and astounded with the strangeness of that statement. "That's ridiculous! There's no way something that dangerous could be used for comedy!"

The professor shook his head in disagreement. "Brendan, it's obvious that violence is one of the greatest sources of humor."

"THAT ISN'T SOMETHING YOU TELL A 10 YEAR OLD CHILD!" Brendan yelled.

"We can argue about this all day, but May just arrived here today. Why don't you give her a tour of the town?"

"There's no way I'm going to do that! SHE THREATENED TO KILL ME!"

This took the professor by surprise. "Really? May, did you threaten my grandson?"

"But professor..." May put on a shy face and looked away in embarrassment. "Do I really seem so scary that I could actually kill someone?" Her eyes brimmed with tears threatening to fall.

"N-now now, May, I'm sure this is just a huge misunderstanding. Brendan can be very imaginative at times..." Birch patted May's head, who released small burst of sniffles.

"Urk...!" Brendan gritted his teeth, feeling frustrated and defeated. That was a clever way to dodge the question. He couldn't even say anything against it. "Regardless, I stand by what I said. I am absolutely NOT going to give her a tour and definitely NOT going to accept her staying here, and that's FINAL!"

5 minutes later...

"I hate my life..." Brendan sighed, walking with May down the streets of Little Root Town.

"If you hate something, get rid of it. It will only drag you down." May advised, her voice more monotone and flat.

Brendan stared at her in surprise, realizing the quick change of expression. Her eyes were much lower, almost to the point of closing. She no longer held a happy, cheery smile, but one of someone very bored and unexcited. It was very unnerving. "What's with your face?"

"...Huh?"

"You were all cheery and stuff before. But now you're suddenly so...wait a second, WHAT DO YOU MEAN GET RID OF IT?"

"If life is that bothersome, isn't it best to dispose of it before it ruins you?" May pointed it out as though it was the most simple concept in the world.

"I can't just _dispose _my life!"

May took a moment to think about it before responding. "If it's too hard by yourself, I can help you."

"I'M NOT GETTING RID OF MY LIFE!"

"Psh, you're no fun." May pouted.

"Have you lost your mind!?"

May sighed and shrugged, showing disappointment. "Is that any kind of way to treat someone who was willing to lend a hand?"

"YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT KILLING ME!"

"No, I'm talking about getting rid of your life. Sheesh, you can be so dramatic over such a trifle thing."

"YOU'RE INSANE!"

"And you're loud once again, bro. Is that anyway to treat a girl?" A male voice said from behind the two.

"GAH!" Brendan nearly jumped out of his skin, goosebumps forming all over his body. He turned around to greet the sandy blond 15 year old. "D-don't scare me like that, Wes!"

"Nevermind that, who's the cute girl you got with you? And here I thought you didn't like girls. Nice catch." The yellow eyed boy gave Brendan a thumb's up with great approval.

"Cute? No, I think you have the wrong girl. She isn't cute at..." Before Brendan could finish his statement, he saw May in her "cute mode", staring at him with watery eyes.

"H-how could you say such a thing about me?" May spoke with a quivering voice, her bottom lip trembling. "We're supposed to be living together as a happy couple, and yet you treat me so horribly. I am so ashamed..."

"C-c-come on May, don't do this to me..." Brendan grew worried that Wes was going to misunderstand the situation rather quickly.

And misunderstand he did. "Bro, I know you haven't really been around girls, but making them cry is a big no-no."

May continued to cry, which was even getting to Brendan. "Even...even after I gave myself to you last night, you still treat me so coldly..."

"WHAT!?" Brendan roared.

"Bro, you actually scored? NICE!" Obviously, Wes approved the action.

"I DID NO SUCH THING! That's it, you're coming with me!" Taking her by the arm, Brendan took May quickly down the road and away from a perplexed Wes.

"Man...he is the luckiest 10 year old in the world. How the hell can he be so lucky and I still have yet to find a girlfriend?" Wes couldn't help but ponder how Brendan went from hating girls to sleeping with one, not realizing that such a thing done at 10 years old is very awkward and wrong.

Elsewhere, Brendan and May stopped behind a house, out of Wes's view. Someone his age should not be going through such hell. Speaking of which, he was going to give May a lot of it. "What are you thinking!? Don't go around lying like that! You're going to start trouble!"

Back into "stoic mode", May waved it off, passing Brendan's worries as nothing. "Don't be a stick in the mud. I'm sure you've thought of these kinds of things once in a while."

"No I haven't! I'm only 10 dammit! What 10 year old thinks of things like-"

_SMACK!_

"OW!" Brendan was struck by a rather large paper fan May had. He gave her an questioning look. "Why did you do that?"

A moment of silence passed.

"...Violence is funny."

"DON'T DO RANDOM THINGS LIKE THAT!" Brendan screeched. On his last bit of patience, he began to plead to the strange girl. "Please, I beg of you, stop causing misunderstandings with everyone."

May glanced away as though she was disgusted. "Psh, you're one to talk. You give misunderstandings all the time."

Confused, Brendan raised an eyebrow. "Pardon?"

"Your hair is the cause of many misunderstandings."

"What are you talking about? My hair doesn't cause misunderstandings at all. What's so weird about it?"

"Of all the fans of the Pokemon fandom, very few realize you have black hair. It's because of your dumb hat."

Brendan had to admit, May brought about a good point. "Er...w-well..."

"And even the people that do know you have black hair pretend its white because it's your only redeeming feature. Without it, not even this author would've given you a second thought."

"It's not my fault a lot of people are missing out on the manga-HEY! Stop breaking the 4th wall!"

May grunted. "Such a spoil sport."

Brendan needed a break. This girl was a menace, and the longer he was with her, the further his sanity declined. "Look, can we just finish the tour of the town before I lose my mind?"

"You're the one who took me behind this building to fool around."

"Don't make it sound so dirty, and I'm not messing around! Let's just go, okay?" With that, Brendan stepped out into the open and got back onto the road.

"You're the leader, o captain, my captain."

Brendan sighed heavily. _'This is going to be a loooong day...'_


	3. Terrible May and Perverted Brendan

As Brendan walked down the streets of Little Root with May, he couldn't help but question many things, especially their first meeting. When someone threatens to kill you, it's normal to be detached from them. But should he ask? If his life is at risk, it would be pretty important to know when and why May wants to kill him. He also had to question why his grandfather wanted such a crazy and mysterious girl in his house anyway? As desperate as he was, there was no way he could ask such a question without seeming awkward or risking his life ending earlier than scheduled. What was a young, frightened 10 year old supposed to do in this situation?

"Ask and you shall receive. There are no stupid questions." May assured, still wearing a bored and emotionless face.

_'When she says it with that face, it feels like I'm walking into a trap.' _It was then Brendan realized something very strange. "How did you know I wanted to ask a question?"

May stared blankly at Brendan. "...What are you, stupid? I read your mind."

"WHO THE HELL CAN GUESS THAT?" Brendan had no idea what sounded more ridiculous: That she could read his mind or she expected that to be common knowledge. "You actually expect me to believe that you can read my mind?"

"Of course."

"Fine, prove it then!" Once Brendan saw the malicious grin on May's face, he quickly grew nervous.

"3 nights ago, you wet yourself 10 minutes and 32 seconds into playing a horror game."

Brendan immediately blushed with embarrassment. It didn't help that several people turned to look at him, giving the boy a variety of awkward looks. It did not help at all that it was true. "T-t-that's not true at all...!"

"You've accidentally peeked into a woman's bathroom 12 times and purposely did it 8 times. Your grandfather assisted 5 of those times."

Many of the awkward looks swiftly turned into irritated and shocked ones. Things were looking bad for Brendan. "S-shut up, May! I ge-"

"The rate of dirty thoughts in your mind is 15 times an hour. I've sped up the rate of those thoughts an additional 7 times an hour. You grandfather occasionally gives you a plus 5 bonus per every dirty magazine and plus 10 with every dirty movie. Your favorite kinds of hentai involve bondage, tentacle, young girls, glasses-wearing girls, and cat-girl types. Your favorite fantasy involves-"

"I believe you already, now be quiet!" Brendan quickly covered May's mouth, his entire body redder than his eyes. He felt the hairs on his back stand on end, the glares of the citizens practically stabbing into him. The boy grabbed May and quickly escaped the scene. The last thing he needed was the town to think all those things were true.

...Even if they were.

Taken much further into the town, Brendan was thoroughly exhausted. He truly believed May would kill him, but not something as merciful as a knife in the heart. The stress alone was enough to kill a regular man 10 times over. "May, please don't ever do that again! The last thing I need is for everyone to think I'm a pervert."

"I wouldn't worry too much. I'm sure they already had a vague idea what kinds of things you're into. Your grandfather is very adamant about you becoming a man and wishes the help of as many people as he can."

Upon hearing those words, Brendan blanched, fear gripping his heart. "YOU MEAN GRANDPA TOLD _EVERYONE_ IN TOWN!?"

"No, that would be silly. His request for aid extended as far as Pallet Town."

If there was a time Brendan wanted to commit suicide, now was the time. "My life was over before I even knew it..."

May patted Brendan on the shoulder in an attempt to console him, though her expression didn't covey the same message. "Don't worry Brendan. If it makes you feel better, you've sped up my rate of dirty thoughts an additional 30 times an hour."

Brendan froze at the thought, his face beet red. "A-a-a-are you serious!?"

"Nope. An additional 15 dirty thoughts for you though."

"STOP MESSING WITH ME!!" Brendan bellowed, furious and mortified. He wanted to cry, badly. But wait, why was he doing all of this in the first place? Why did HE of all people end up living with such a crazy, mind-reading, life-destroying girl? Besides, his question still remained unanswered about whether his life is still endangered or not.

"So, you want to know whether I truly intend to kill you, eh?" May's voice grew deeper and more sinister, as though to dare him to ask directly.

Brendan swallowed hard, his heart racing a mile a minute. He wanted to ask so badly, but was afraid of the consequences. But after taking a deep breath, he took the lunge. "You told me earlier that you were going to kill me in my sleep. A-are you really going to do that?"

May's lips curled into a dark grin as she began to chuckle evilly. "You'll get your answer soon. _Very_ soon."

_'Oh crap...'_ Brendan had a very bad feeling he accidentally shortened his lifespan even further. But then he realized something important. It can all be avoided if he could make his grandfather realize the insanity of having him and May live together, as well as May's dangerous nature. If he could get away from May, or at least distract her for a moment, he could run back and try to get professor Birch to actually make some sense.

Thankfully, his luck pulled through when he noticed May staring at the roof of a tall building.

_'Now's my chance!'_ As quickly and quietly as he possibly could, Brendan quickly hurried home to talk to his grandfather. He wanted this mess resolved quickly before anyone, especially himself, got harmed.

A minute later, May snapped back to focus, momentarily distracted. "Huh, could've sworn I saw someone. Oh well." When she turned around, Brendan was already long gone, leaving May alone in the middle of town. "Looks like he left while I was distracted. At least he won't be spoiling my fun." The strange 10 year old continued down the road she and Brendan were on previously. Brendan had yet to realize the danger of leaving May alone in a city she did not recognize.

Meanwhile, a lone figure stood on top of a building May stared at, spying on her with a pair of high-tech binoculars. His identity was shrouded in mystery, shadowed by the glare of the sun behind him. "May Maple...I've finally found yo-AAAAAAH!" The man let out a scream of terror as he slipped and fell down the tall building.


	4. Could things get any worse?

Little Root Town, aside from some of its strange inhabitants, was normally a very quiet town. Beginner trainers from Hoenn flocked this town to obtain their starter Pokemon and start their journey. It was famous for many reasons, one of them being the tranquil atmosphere and friendly townspeople. Truly this was a great town with amazing people.

"GRANDPAAA!" Brendan's angry yell rang through the streets as he made a B-line towards the laboratory.

...So much for tranquility.

_'When I get my hands on him, I'm going to wring his old, perverted neck!' _It was bad enough that Brendan's grandfather invited May to live in his house, got him a blowup doll for his 9th birthday, and even sent Brendan to a girl's sleep over party with a bag full of aphrodisiacs, a Kama Sutra guide book and love song CDs. But to have the audacity to publicize his sick and twisted plans for his own grandson was going too far.

Something had to be done to stop the madness.

As Brendan grew closer to the lab, he saw someone knocking on the door. The trademark lab coat and muddy brown hair instantly clued Brendan to the 16 year old's identity. For Brendan, the boy was his only solace in the world full of psychos he seemed to be living in. "Gary!"

Recognizing the voice, Gary happily greeted Brendan. "Long time no see, Brendan. I was just about to pay you guys a visit."

"You came just in time! You've got to help me, Gary!"

"Whoa, whoa, take it easy! Tell me what's up." Gary was worried over Brendan's frantic attitude. He had not seen Brendan this disturbed since the dreaded magazine incident. It was unfortunate for Brendan when the professor wanted to give him a girl on girl magazine, but mistakenly ordered for the direct opposite.

There were so many wrongs Gary dared not to even touch the subject.

"My grandfather is letting an insane girl stay with me! If I don't talk any sense to him, I'm going to be killed!"

"Seriously? Man, you got some bad luck kid."

Brendan started scratching his head in frustration. "Oooh...why is my life so miserable in every single fanfic the author has written!? Could I at least have a moment of peace somewhere?"

Gary did not know what he was talking about, but it sounded serious. "Alright. Let's talk to your grandfather. Do you have the key?"

"Yeah, I'll open it." Unlocking the door, the two proceeded inside and went straight for the professor, who was busy on the computer in his study. He was excited to see Brendan and Gary, who clearly did not share in his joy.

"Hey you two. How are my favorite boys today?"

"Grandpa, we need to talk about May as well as figure out why you are having her live here with me. That is going way too far, even for you."

"But Brendan, surely you like the idea of a girl sleeping in your bedroom, right? I had so many hopes and plans riding on that..."

"No way! Especially not with an insane girl like May! Whoa, wait, what hopes and plans?" Brendan feared what the professor meant by that

"Professor Birch, the kid's right. This is going too far. I can only wonder why you haven't been arrested by now." Gary said.

"Heh, you know, when you are responsible for creating more than half of the world's best adult toys and donating them to a lawful organization dominated by females, you tend to win their favor very quickly…"

"That's genius…" For a moment, Gary reveled in the cleverness and power that was Birch. That is, until he caught Brendan's questioning eyes. "A-ah…I mean that's bribery!"

"Anyway, to answer your question, the reason for inviting her here is two-fold. For one, she wanted a place to stay and I saw it fit to pair her with someone her age. Secondly, when a man and a woman both discover certain needs for each other's assets, they often like to fu—"

"Y-you made yourself very clear, trust me!" Gary could not hide his blush as he made sure to stop the professor from ruining Brendan's already degrading innocents. He always looked out for Brendan whenever he could, and therefore could not turn blind eye to this situation. Besides, his newest plan to help Brendan would coincide with his previous one, Pokémon research in Hoenn. "Anyway, I've decided that I will stay here in Little Root town in order to catch up on some research in this region. I came here to set up an appointment for us to get together later and go over some of my discoveries." He winked at Brendan, who immediately got the message.

Brendan finally found a friend who was not oblivious to the ongoing madness.

With tears of joy in his eyes, Brendan was overwhelmed with gratitude. _'Finally, I have a real friend to help me through this crisis! Now, if only I could—'_ Before finishing his thought, Brendan spun a complete 180, his eyes focused and alert.

"What's wrong Brendan?" Gary asked.

"Nothing…I just had the feeling that I was going to be interrupted mid-thought. I guess I was imagining things…" Ever since discovering May's mind-reading abilities, Brendan felt uneasy. Who knows what else she could do? _'Now…all I need to do is have Gary help me talk sense into grandpa, and I can finally get rid of May and start having a decent, normal—'_

"Oh? Is that hope I am sensing?" May's low and toying voice sent chills down Brendan's spine, holding gently onto his shoulders.

"GAAAH! I KNEW IT!" Brendan almost tripped in his attempt to get away from the seemingly crazed girl.

"Huh? When did she…?" Gary was surprised with May's sudden appearance. He had no idea who she was, but according to Brendan's stupefied stare, he imagined it was the girl named May the boy mentioned. "So you're May, right?"

In Cute Mode, May smiled cutely at Gary. "It's nice to meet you."

"D-d-don't be deceived…!" Brendan muttered weakly, standing behind professor Birch's leg.

Professor Birch glanced at his watch and grew surprised. "Whoa, it's getting pretty late, so here's my idea. Gary, how about you come with me so I can set up some arrangements for your apartment?"

'_Idea? I hope it doesn't involve something bad with Brendan…' _Gary saw nothing wrong with May so far, but had a gut feeling about this so called plan. "Sure. But what about Brendan?"

Professor Birch's grin grew wide, almost sinister. Brendan shuddered at the implications. "He and May are all dirty from playing outside. They will need to take a bath and great ready for bed while we're out."

Brendan paled, feeling sick. "Y-you don't mean…!"

"That's right Brendan! You'll be taking care of May alone tonight!"


	5. Yeah, things could get worse

'_My life is over.'_ Brendan stood frozen while facing the front door. His only salvation, Gary, was gone with his grandfather.

This left him alone with May.

'_What am I gonna do? I'm alone in the house with this…psycho girl!'_ If there was a time for Brendan to develop an ingenious plan, now was the time.

"Let's play a game together." May suggested.

Brendan didn't like the sound of that, not one bit. "A game?"

"House."

"Uh…we're already in a house. There's really no need to play such a stupid game."

"It'll be fun! You'll be the neglectful husband with perverted fantasies while I'll be the hungry wife starving for affection."

Tossing an awkward gaze at the girl, Brendan's face contorted with shock and disgust. "WHAT KIND OF TWISTED GAME IS THAT!?"

Unfortunately for Brendan, May already started. "But honey, it's been so long since we've been intimate with each other. You're always off with other girls and not paying any attention to me…"

"Nothing like that EVER happened!"

"Don't be like that. I know about you and that girl Rui. I know the truth about your late night meetings with her."

Brendan recognized the name Rui as one of his friends who lives next door, though the so-called late night meetings were beyond his knowledge. "How do you know about Rui?"

"I've seen how you look at her, undressing her with your lustful eyes, thinking of all the naughty things you can do to her, you sicko." May had a wide, crazed glaze in her eyes as she slowly approached Brendan, who was sufficiently freaked out. "I can do so much more for you, baby. Give me a chance, I can show you a _real_ good time!"

Brendan started backpedaling away from May, who reminded him of all those stalker girls who killed their boyfriends in horror movies. "M-May, this is scaring me! " If he thought May was scary now, he knew not what scary was until she pulled a long kitchen knife from behind her and held a fixated stare at the blade.

"Don't be scared honey. I want to be with you…_**forever**_…!" May voice was frighteningly high pitched, as though she was on the verge of breaking down.

It was Brendan who was on the verge of breaking down, just for a different reason.

'_This chick is actually serious!'_ Glancing down the hall, Brendan spotted the bathroom door. That's when he had an idea. "…AAAAAAAH!"

_SLAM!_

…It wasn't the most brilliant plan to lock himself in the bathroom, but it was something.

Brendan held against the door in fear of May somehow breaking it down. His heart was beating erratically. He listened to her footsteps drifting further and further away from the door until he could no longer hear it. For the moment, he was safe. "Phew! Let's hope she got bored and went to do something else. But still, how did she know about Rui? Did she read my memories, or…" That was when Brendan remembered leaving her behind while running back to the laboratory. Could she had…?

"Bah, my brain's too tired to think. I'll think about it after a good shower." Stripping down to nothing, Brendan started up the shower and began bathing.

Showers always helped him relax. No matter what shenanigans he went through, the feeling of hot water pouring over his skin was exhilarating. May might have gotten the upper hand with her strange mind reading ability, but at least she could not breach the sanctity that was the bathroom. Finally, he could get away from her. "Man I love showers."

"I like it too. Hey, could you pass the soap?"

"Sure thing Ma-ma-ma-ma-ma-m-MAY!" Brendan screamed, his entire body turning flaming red. Before him stood May, a 10 year old girl, in the nude.

It didn't help that she was smiling the same creepy smile from earlier.

"You know, honey, we should bath together more often. Shall I get those hard to reach areas for you?"

Grabbing the maroon shower curtain, Brendan tried to cover himself. "SHOW SOME DECENCY AND GET OUT!"

"Why are you yelling, honey? We used to do this all the time."

"WE NEVER DID THIS AT ALL! AND HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE!?" Brendan's throat was getting hoarse from the yelling, but the fact that May was showering with him, and naked, made him too excited to stop.

Just like the time it was revealed she had mind reading powers, she gave him an awkward stare. "Are you stupid? I can teleport."

"Again with this!? No one could guess that in a million years! Now get out of here!" To his surprise, May latched onto him, pressing her small frame against him.

"Don't be like that, baby. I'm sorry I upset you. Here, let mommy help you feel better." The wink May added increased Brendan's temperature exponentially.

"S-s-seriously, stop kidding around!" Brendan leaned back as May started closing in, her eyes closed and her lips pursed. This was too awkward for the boy to comprehend. Was she taking this game THAT seriously? "N-no, wait ! Don't do it!" Although, he found May to be irresistibly cute, almost to the point that he would want the kiss. Almost. Her face was a mere centimeter away from contact, one of which Brendan was against. "May, stop—"

_SHATTER!_

The window above the shower exploded. In a panic, Brendan grabbed May and threw himself onto the floor to avoid the flying glass. The shower curtain helped to protect Brendan and May from the glass, but the two got tightly wrapped and fell on the floor with a heavy thud. Wincing from the fall, Brendan peeked up at what broke the window and gaped in surprise.

A young boy around 7 years old was crouched over, landing gracefully on the ground. His dark blue hair was neatly smoothed back, which matched the rim of his reading glasses. The kid had on brown shorts, a green shirt and shoes. "I finally found you, May, desu." The child spoke smoothly with a triumphant grin.

May's face instantly turned serious, as though she was facing a powerful nemesis. "Max." She said seriously.

Gawking back and forth, Brendan could only wonder what he did to attract so many freaky people.

Just what was going on here?


	6. Ultimate battle of ultimate references

"You have GOT to be kidding me!" Brendan guffawed at the sight of a child who just burst through his window like a flashy superhero. "We have doors, you know!"

"Relax, you have more to worry about than broken windows, Desu." The boy adjusted his glasses in a grand manner, deepening his voice in a vain attempt to sound deep and masculine.

"Kukuku, I've been waiting for you to catch up, Max." With the laugh of a heinous villain, May stood up, wrapping the shower curtain around her like a wizard's cloak. Brendan quickly rushed to grab a nearby towel, blushing.

Brendan had a bad feeling what was about to happen.

Max tightened his fist. "So…is this your latest victim? The next one for you to consume and torment?"

May grinned. "My favorite thus far. I'm guessing you're not here to point out the obvious and have a cup of tea."

"Actually…I was." Brendan face-faulted at Max's anti-climatic statement. "But! Now I have a new plan! I shall bring you to justice. Prepare yourself!"

"I was hoping you would say that!" May flicked her shower curtain cloak open dramatically. Somehow, not only did she regain her clothing, but the inner lining of the cloak had all kinds of weapons lined up and ready for battle. Drawing two paper fans, May dashed at Max.

_WHOOSH!_

Max jumped over the double paper fan strike and placed his hands behind his back. What he pulled out was something very unexpected.

Two Pichu plush dolls.

"Take this! Kawaii art: Plushy jutsu!" Max tossed the items at May, who back-flipped behind Brendan and used him as a shield.

_NYA! MEOW!_

"…What the heck?" As the items struck Brendan's face, he questioned the strange, but cute, sound effects that occurred. He could already tell that this "battle" was going to bug the heck out of him.

"Oh ho ho ho! Nice try, hero, but Brendan's coming with me." Luckily, the window was just big enough for May to skillfully throw Brendan through it and jump through right after him.

"Wait, villain! I won't let you escape! Hiya!" Max jumped through, following the two.

Outside, a sorta-epic-but-not-really battle took place as May and Max began throwing all kinds of crazy attacks and weapons at each other. May's attacks were particularly fierce and strangely familiar. "Ka…me…ha…me…HAAA!" When she fired, Brendan thought it was going to mimic the original.

A flying bowling ball was not what Brendan expected.

"Heh, child's play, desu." Max flashily barrel rolled to the side to avoid the attack.

For a moment, Brendan could've sworn he heard a really annoying song as Max performed the action.

"If that's how you wanna play, then I'll take up on it! Eat this!" Max pointed his index finger at May, bracing himself for recoil. "SPIRIT GUN!" Once again, Brendan expected a destructive routine technique.

A pink, fluffy rubber band was NOT what he thought would be flying.

"Gah! It's too fast!" May used her cloak to guard against the attack, which bounced off her "shield" harmlessly.

_DESU!_

"Where are these crazy sounds coming from!?" Brendan growled with frustration.

"Heh, not bad, Max. But you won't be able to avoid this!" Pulling out an oversized paper fan, May held it vertically in front of herself. "LIMIT BREAK!" An orange aura emanated from her, given off an incredible force. "OMNISLASH!"

Brendan face-faulted.

The tip of the paper fan flashed brightly before May dove at Max, far too fast for him to dodge, and started wailing on him with a devastating 14 hit combo. While the boy was dazed, she jumped up for the finishing blow and swung down for the final hit.

"SHORYUKEN!"

_COUNTER!_

With the sound effect of a cute female voice, Max jumped up and landed an uppercut on May's chin. It was pretty effective, sending May reeling back, landing with a graceful backflip.

"ENOUGH WITH THE REFERENCES ALREADY!" Brendan exasperated. All he wanted to do was sleep and pretend all this never happened.

"Fear not, I shall deal this fiend one final blow. Prepare yourself for my final attack! BANKAI!"

"FOR THE LOVE OF…!" Brendan watched as a blue aura surrounded Max, veiling his newest transformation. It lasted only moments, but went it disappeared, Brendan reached a new level of surprise.

Max was wearing a furry Pikachu costume.

"Take this! My Nekoneko grenade!" Somehow, Max managed to pull out a short, confused catgirl and hurled it at May.

_'Damn! If that hits me, I'm in trouble!'_ May still had a secret weapon to use.

Brendan.

"Defend me!" Grabbing him by the neck, May braced for impact, using him as a shield once again.

"Ack! Stop using me as a shield!" Brendan struggled under May's headlock as the catgirl slammed into Brendan, the three falling on the ground. Brendan and the catgirl gawked at each other in surprise.

"…Meow?"

_KABOOM!_

Confetti, glitter, tiny catgirl plush toys and several Hello Kitty Island Adventure game CDs littered the battle ground. Not the most damaging grenade in the world. In fact, no one was hurt. Startled and confused, but not hurt.

Brendan was confused most of all.

"Wait, wait, wait, WAIT!" Brendan stood between May and Max. "I am SO confused right now! Just what is going on and who the heck are you!?"

"I'm the savoir of the weak and slayer of villains. Defender of the innocent and lord of all that is cute and wonderful. I. Am. MAX MAPLE!" The boy added a dramatic pose for effect, which looked rather ridiculous with his Pikachu costume.

Brendan was speechless._ 'Max Maple? What kind of pansy, weak, crazy little…wait a minute…crazy? Maple? Why does that…oh god…'_ Ever so slowly, he turned to stare into the face of death, which was May.

What struck Brendan as strange was May's expression. It was the first time her ever saw her as normal. At least, that's what he hoped. She gave an exasperated sigh. "Yes. In case it wasn't made obvious from the last names or the anime, Max is my brother."

Brendan pinched the bridge of his nose, groaning. "Oh man, you two are so crazy that it actually makes sense. All of this is a little too much to handle in a single day."

"Worry not, Brendan. I bring great news and greater plot twist than the obvious fact I'm May's sister." Max said.

"I have a bad feeling about this…but what is it?"

"As a fellow roommate, I will protect you from May and be your guardian."

"Roommate? Wait…no…oh no…May's crazy enough, but not you too! No way! No, freaking, way!"

May tapped on her chin, recalling what happened before moving into Little Root town. "Oh yeah. I'd almost forgotten he will be living here with us. It's too bad. He'll get in the way of our alone time, but I'll find a way. Now, shall we get some sleep for tomorrow, Brendan? …Brendan?"

Overcome with stress, Brendan fainted on the stop, pale as a ghost.

Hell would be a vacation compared to what Brendan would be experiencing.


End file.
